I learned this lesson the hard way, through years of being a professional athlete in an individual sport. In BMX racing, you quickly realize that high expectations are part of the job. You have to demand perfection of yourself. You have to want to be the best.
But here’s the truth: expecting perfection or expecting a specific result every time is unrealistic. Early in my career, I constantly measured success by results: first place, second place, third place. And every time I didn’t hit that exact mark, I felt frustrated, disappointed, or even like I had failed.
It took me years to realize that the problem wasn’t effort or talent. The problem was where I was placing my expectations.
Shifting My Expectations
The shift that changed everything wasn’t about aiming lower—it was about expecting something different of myself:
- Am I training as hard as I can?
- Am I leaving no stone unturned in preparation?
- Am I approaching every race with the same intensity?
- Is my bike mechanically sound and ready for success?
I started measuring success by the things I could control, not by the outcomes I couldn’t. And that shift was transformative.
I still wanted to win. I still wanted the podium. But my happiness, my mental health, and my ability to embrace the highs and lows of sport were no longer tied to the place I finished. Instead, I focused on what I could control: my preparation, effort, and mindset.
The Lesson for Life
This lesson isn’t just for athletes. In life, we often place unrealistic expectations on ourselves: the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the perfect outcome. And when reality doesn’t match, we get frustrated.
The secret is to manage your expectations by focusing on what you can control. Expect yourself to give your best effort, be consistent, and leave nothing on the table. The outcomes will follow, and even if they don’t, you’ll know you did everything you could.
When you manage expectations this way, you not only improve your results, but you also create space for lasting happiness. You ride the roller coaster of life’s highs and lows more easily. You embrace challenges, learn from setbacks, and celebrate wins without being emotionally crushed by losses.
Ultimately, the only expectation you can truly control is the one you place on yourself. And when that expectation is focused on effort and preparation, not outcomes, everything else falls into place.
– Connor Fields
